wherever you go, there you are

I keep finding myself in conversation about selfhood. Finding strength and happiness in oneself as the most important part of life. We all move through friends and partners and cities and jobs and schools, but of course we move in unavoidable tandem with ourselves.

I've been overwhelmed so many times in the past months by my own strength. It's a strange and awesome thing to see yourself emerge. In the smallest ways - desperately lost on a run in a new place, I take step after step until I find myself home, sweaty and tired and indulgent. A three dimensional kinetic motion problem boiled down to a neat 7 m/s with my pencil, my time, my brute resolve.

this summer a family, a life, a way of orientating myself in the world was turned on its head. I was sick, I was sad, I felt desperate in the belief that I could never pull myself off the floor. I can and I did. I am astounded by my capacity to pick up and pull forward.

this fall I got into that lovely sweet kind of trouble. dangerous and fast moving and uncertain and all heart. how easy it is to fall into something that you can't trust when you have absolute trust in yourself to pull up and out of it. life is full of such sweet potential when your strong self emerges.